every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
