how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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