you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
