At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
