No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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