my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize
