Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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