Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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