Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
