you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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