I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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