is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
