Life is so much better after having sex.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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