Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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