Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I could fuck to npr.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
