We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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