My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
