she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
