why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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