You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
