I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
