im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
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