Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
