The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
You are a genius and a whore.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
