Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
