Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
