I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
