i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
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