i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
