worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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