i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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