he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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