he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
