If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
