What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
