halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
worst night to have a conscience
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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