I'm jealous of your bromance
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
