Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
