turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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