cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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