Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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