How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
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