I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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