when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
