ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
