a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
The adults are the big ones right?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
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