dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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