We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
