suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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