rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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