..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
