i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
