Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
