Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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