I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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