So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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