He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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