Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
