I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
