Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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