Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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