I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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