Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
