I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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