that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
