Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
time to smoke my breakfast
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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