1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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