i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
