he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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