it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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