Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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